Weekly Sermons

The Purpose of Marriage

I want to dedicate the message today to Dr. Jim Dobson, who died this week at 89 years of age. He was best known for founding Focus on the Family, which has helped millions of Christians around the world since its founding in 1977. 

The radio program by the same name was on over 4,000 stations in America and 7,000 worldwide! For years I would tune in with others to hear Dr. Dobson and his guests talk about marriage and parenting.

He was the son, grandson, and great-grandson of Nazarene pastors and his dad was an evangelist. He got his PhD in Psychology from the University of Southern California and worked for the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles.

But his burden for helping children thrive led him to found Focus and concentrate on strengthening the faith of Christians and their marriages so their children would grow up in healthy, God-honoring homes.

I am so thankful for Dr. Jim Dobson’s life and impact, and I dedicate this message to him.

One of my favorite things when I get to do a wedding for a couple is the times I get to see a Father walk his daughter down the aisle, and for the first part of the service stand between the bride and the groom for a while.

And then I get to ask the question: Who gives this woman to be married to this man? And that Dad then says, “Her mother and I!” Do you remember what happens next?

The Father steps back, kisses his daughter on the cheek, and puts his daughter’s hand in the hand of her husband to be, and rejoins his wife. And at that point the bride and groom get close to each other and exchange vows.

The practice of the father of the bride ‘giving away’ the bride goes all the way back to the first 2 chapters of the Bible, Genesis 1-2. We will see Jesus talk about it in today’s passage!  

Back on April 21, 2024 I preached a message entitled Honoring Marriage from Matt. 5:27-32. Jesus dealt with sexual purity before and after marriage. Today we will see Him go a step further back and talk about the purpose of marriage.  

Read Matthew 19:1-15              The Purpose of Marriage            Let’s Pray!

Last week we saw Jesus’ great words on the importance of forgiveness in relationships –

Where is one of the biggest places we get to practice giving and receiving forgiveness? Within our marriages!

That’s where Matthew’s gospel takes us next!

In verse 1 it says when Jesus had finished these sayings, the teachings on resolving conflict and forgiveness, he went away from the Galilee region and enter the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.

Verse 2 tells us large crowds were following Jesus and he healed them there. Jesus was doing His great work, meeting needs left and right, and everybody was marveling at how God good is, right? Not according to verse 3!

Verse 3 tells us the Pharisees interrupted all the great things Jesus was doing with a question designed to trap him. Their question was, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”                      

As we look at Jesus’ response to the Pharisees, we are going to see Jesus model for us how to respond to all the “What about this issue,” or “what about that issue” questions that people ask us to weigh in on.

They tried to trap Jesus by talking about divorce, Jesus takes them (and us) back to the purpose of marriage.

Jesus teaches on the purpose of marriage                                             V. 4-6

Look at verse 4

He answered, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female (that’s Genesis 1:26-28).”

I love Jesus’ question, “Have you not read?” He’s saying, “Let’s go back to the Bible, and before talking about what’s a sin against God’s design, let’s clarify God’s design and purpose for marriage and sexuality!”

God created humans in His image, His likeness. He created just 2 genders, male and female.

Look at verse 5

And God said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh (that’s Genesis 2:24).”

God Himself performed the first wedding in the Garden of Eden when He brought together Adam and Eve as husband and wife.

In ‘incorporating’ the first marriage in Genesis 1-2, God gave us the purpose of marriage and family. Every marriage starts a new family that is intended to help each other and any children they might have flourish and become responsible contributors to God’s world.

That also gives us the God-designed purpose of sexuality – to bond this couple together and for the possibility of procreation.  

Such a powerful phrase – the 2 become one flesh.         NA + CL = Salt!

Hopefully marriage makes each marriage partner a better person. It also makes them a new household together.

That’s why the father gives away the bride. Until that point her primary family relationship was her family of origin. But as the Father steps back he is saying “Our role is now the secondary relationship – this new marriage is now the primary relationship for both this bride and this groom.”   

Look at what Jesus says next in verse 6 with all the authority of Heaven – So they that marry are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.  

The vows married couples make is often supplemented with the exchanging of rings…Danny, do “The Chinese ring thing!”

Before we move on, in this sinful world we live in where people have lots of questions but little biblical knowledge, remember to always go back to God’s original purpose for everything.

People ask us about whether being transgender is a sin that needs to be repented of – it is, but first go back to Genesis 1. God made you as a male or as a female, and He has a purpose for your masculinity or your femininity.

People ask us whether pre-marital sex and homosexuality and adultery are sins that need to be repented of – they are sins, but first go back to the purpose of marriage, and the purpose of sex.

McDowell – behind every precept is a principle is a Person.

The precept is don’t lie; the principle is the need to be able to trust each other in relationships; the Person is that God is the God of truth who will not lie to us.

The precept is not to commit sexual sin; the principle is that keeping yourself pure helps you appropriately bond with your God-given spouse; the Person is that God is a Faithful God who will never betray His bride the church.

Jesus teaches on divorce                                                                               V. 7-9

Look at verse 7

They said to Jesus, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”

In verse 7 they were referring to Deut. 21:1-4, where Moses instructed a man determined to divorce his wife to write out a certificate saying the divorce was not her fault. This was to protect her in those ancient times. This is one of the times in the Law of Israel God regulated what he didn’t condone (see Mal. 2:13-17) to protect those who were most vulnerable.    

 

That certificate would allay the concern of other suitors. The Pharisees in Jesus’ day had gotten pretty lax about divorce, and had used Deuteronomy 24 to allow divorce for almost any reason. It’s not so different today.

Look at verses 8-9

He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wife, but from the beginning it was not so.” And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife (except for sexual immorality) and marries another commits adultery.

Jesus’ words in verse 9 mean that the two spouses were supposed to be together “as long as they both shall live.” To jump to another relationship without clear biblical grounds is to sin against your marriage vows.  

If you find yourself having committed that sin, you need to do what we are told to do for any sin -confess it as sin and receive God’s forgiveness. Doesn’t mean you will leave your current spouse and go back to your previous spouse – that ship has sailed.

God isn’t done working in your life because you are divorced. I wouldn’t be here if God didn’t work in such situations. Some of the best marriages we have in our church are second or even third marriages.

Now Jesus here states that sexual immorality would be a non-sinful ground for divorce and presumably remarriage.

Remember last week we saw how Jesus tells us to forgive as we have been forgiven. So putting that together with this teaching we learn that you can forgive your spouse for cheating and still divorce them.

The issue there isn’t forgiveness it is not being able to trust them going forward. I have seen many marriages overcome adultery but it will take time to rebuild that trust.

In addition to adultery as grounds for divorce and presumably remarriage 1 Corinthians 7:15 allows divorce in cases where one spouse abandons their vows, and many pastors like me would include abuse under that.

As a minister of the gospel, I also have tried to work through with people whether all that happened before they were Christians or before Jesus truly was Lord of their lives. I love ministering 1 John 1:9 to people.

If all this seems pretty heavy to you, know that it was for the disciples also.

Jesus’ disciples understand how serious marriage is                      V. 10-12

Verse 10 cracks me up!

The disciples said to Jesus, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry!”

Their comment shows how few in their day understood the seriousness of marriage and keeping sex within marriage. Just as in our day, all kinds of sexual sin happened in the Roman Empire.

And here Jesus was challenging his disciples to get back to God’s purpose for marriage, sexuality, and family. Just like James Dobson did for over 50 years, even helping his own son through a painful time of divorce.

In verse 11 Jesus makes clear he expects His disciples to apply God’s design in their lives – “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given” – Jesus’ disciples.

Okay, we get that, but what in the world is going on verse 12?

Jesus speaks of 3 different kinds of “Eunuchs.”

When we look up Eunuch it was mostly used of those who had been castrated – and by definition could not have sexual relations with others. We think of how kings would castrate their harem keepers so they didn’t mess with the king’s concubines.

In verse 12 Jesus is using eunuch as a euphemism for being celibate, the Christians commitment to only have sex within their own marriage between one man and one woman.

He is saying some people are made celibate by their circumstances, others by their choice to never marry so they focus on serving God.

Jesus Himself was pure as a single person His entire earthly life. Paul remained single and put the time he would have cared for a spouse and kids into ministering to others.

The great missionary Lottie Moon was a lifelong single virgin. She had been engaged to a man who adopted heretical views. She wanted to be faithful to Jesus, so she broke up with him and continued serving Jesus as a single lady.

In every age God’s plan for human sexuality has been mocked and ridiculed by those who reject it. But Christians know that obedience to God in this area will lead to greater fulfilment than giving in to sexual temptation. Some have learned that because of the consequences sin in this area has brought into their life and relationships.

So we pray for our children to be virgins until they marry; We pray for singles, divorces, widows and widowers to trust God in their circumstances rather than give in; we pray for married couples to be faithful to their vows. We support one another in the church family as we’re doing well, and help each other get back on track when we blow it. That’s the church ya’ll!

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor people who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of God.                               -1 Cor. 6:9-11

Just like those first disciples, we forget what we have learned and Jesus has to tell us again. In Matthew 18:5 He told His disciples to receive children coming to Him. But at the end of today’s verses, they were turning children away.

Jesus rebuked them and said “Let the little children come and do not hinder them.” The good news for those of us who have blown it is that Jesus also said, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest!”

Come to Jesus, friend! Come back to Jesus, brothers and sisters!     Let’s Pray!